So here’s the deal. Last week I had hair extensions sewn into my hair. I think they are awesome. My daughter loves them, however is grossed out that they are actually human hair strands.
Wait...I said I think they are awesome. Pause. I LOVE them. I am EMBARRASED by them. They are AMAZING and I feel CONFIDENT. They are OVER-THE-TOP and I’m a fake-head.
Ugh. The contradictions of being a women.
A few years ago, a dear, dear friend asked me, “so why do you where makeup? I don’t like it and I always wondered why other women wear it?”
This one question actually changed me. I felt judged, I felt small. I felt belittled. I felt petty. Ever since then I second guess myself as I curl my hair, spend extra money on a fabulous pair of leggings, or add, well extensions to my hair. Instead of loving the transformation and enjoying the art of make-up, hair and fashion, I feel like less of a woman. I feel excuded from the feminist crowd. I felt like something is wrong with me because I enjoy playing with my looks. To her...I was superficial.
For much of my life I’ve dealt with this. Because I was blonde, I was not smart. Because I love athletics, make-up was stupid. Because I giggled, I was not worthy of serious conversation.
You’d think as we grew and aged things would change. But I feel that women are even more judgemental of other women as ever. We start to judge others on not just looks, but how we raise our kids, our politcal beliefs, how we decorate, clean or not-clean our house. Oh! And the size of our house, the brand of our car - it’s too expensive we are shallow, it’s too old we are too cheap Her nails are fake, her veggies are GMO, she voted for Trump because her husband is in manufacturing, she‘s voting for Biden because she’s pro-choice.
We. Are. Constantly. Judging.
Life is so hard. Decisions are so difficult. Raising children, going to work, staying home, choosing a President, finding friends, getting up early, getting dressed and putting on a smile is. So. Hard.
Back to this friend who asked me about the make-up. She also criticized my daughter for flipping her hair in school. She said her husband wasn’t sure he could continue being friends with us because we shared an article about Trump. We were still researching. Keeping our minds open. I could go on and on about the judgements I’ve felt. But I look at her comments as an opportunity to grow, To realize that being a women is hard enough. Finding our tribe is hard enough. I choose to accept women....in all their diverse beliefs as feminists who are trying. Let’s stop judging and start loving.